Porno- Worse than crack

With NYSC completed and convinced that the boredom of the bank hall wasn’t the place for a guy like me; it was only natural that I turned to God for immediate help. I realized that It’s not all about getting a first class or 2-1 or about going for NYSC; it’s more about getting a job that pays and affords you time to play. Morning mass thus became routine, rosaries plenty, confessions weekly; I started to mingle with the holy folks in Holy Cross and Holy Communion was a lot more frequent. And even though I was certain that God must have heard my prayers, I wonder if he had heard those of the retarded young boy in dirty clothes- roughly my age- always patrolling the church premises every morning mass. He’d laugh, talk to imaginary folks, soliloquize, party, dance with the air and sometimes run around like a toddler 23 years his junior. Kinda reminded me of Don Quixote. And I’m like, “whatever happened to this young man?” I was told that he couldn’t be helped as he was the architect of his own woe, “He used to be a very nice boy, but when he was caught eavesdropping on women in the bathroom, the disgrace drove him to Indian hemp” the smug, holier-than-thou lady explained to inquisitive me, “He’s lost his mind”. She didn’t need to add that as it was pretty obvious that he’d lost his mind but hey, what do you expect from Catholic do-gooders? Here I was; worrying about trying to find a job and there was my mate trying to find his mind and once again I saw the need to count my blessings and thank Jesus for many mercies. But each morning in church as I try to lift up my heart and mind to the Lord, I cant help but wonder “Where did the weed take his mind to?”It all started with pornography, and after looking at the caption of this essay, I’m sure some of you would be like, “Obinna has come again”. But hear me out, before you crucify me and trust me; at the end of this short write-up, you’d be sufficiently convinced that if presented with the dual evils of drugs and pornography, run father from porn!This is not just some essay where I try to use logical hypotheses to manufacture a credible theory in a bid to convince you; No! This is in many ways scientific as I indulged in some almost empirical research to make such a bold assertion as my caption denotes. Besides, as St. Valentine’s Day draws nigh; I feel compelled to do an informed study and write-up on the ‘Eros’ category of love which E! online and MTV have successfully mingled with Agape. Like my impatient Northern friends would say- ba dogon turanci; so I’ll go straight to the crux of my argument. What are the disadvantages of porn, some young ones might want to know. “Do we just keep off because God or mommy and daddy will whoop my ass if they found me watching it?” “Besides who the hell is Obinna to say porn is worse than weed? Does it in anyway affect my health? Bollocks!”Before you call this bollocks, you might be jolted from the blue to realize that Pornography has been fingered to orchestrate addictions such as misogyny, paedophilia, the boob jobs you see insecure ladies getting on Dr. 90210 and erectile dysfunction amongst a litany of other woes.The first major problem is that pornography addicts have a more difficult time recovering from their addiction than cocaine addicts, since hemp abusers and coke users can get the drug out of their system, but pornographic images stay in the brain forever. How does one remove vile images from one’s head? How easy is it to forget a face you’ve seen, let alone a succession of motion images? The fact that it sticks to one’s memory explains why it can grow and metamorphose into terrible addictions like paedophilia. These addicts for instance start getting fed up with seeing naked grownups and now their fantasies long for naked kids! They soon get tired of watching through the computer and want to see the real thing... It keeps growing like fanned flames from hell.Secondly, It would blow your mind to discover that according to the National Association for Research and Therapy of Homosexuality- pornography, unlike most addictions, biologically causes the release of what is described as ‘the most perfect addictive substance’. According to new findings of this scientific research body; pornography causes masturbation, which in turn causes the release of naturally occurring opioids as well as other erotoxins. Porno effectively does what the Indian hemp and cocaine cannot do. Simply put; artificially synthesized nicotine which is the substance that gets people hooked on drugs such as hemp, coke or even cigarettes is not synthesized by the body and can thus be erased; a sharp contrast from the erotoxins and opioids produced by pornography.Worse still is its ready availability in video shops, but more worryingly on the internet. It removes the usual inefficiency in the delivery of pornography, making porn much more ubiquitous than in the days when guys in trench coats would sell nudie postcards or when some guys would smuggle such magazines to schools. The internet has therefore upsettingly become the perfect drug delivery system because the indulger is anonymous, aroused and has several role models of this behaviour. Imagine the horror of having this drug with the aforementioned consequences pumped into your house 24/7, free, and children know how to use it more than grownups?And while you imagine that, I subconsciously and unwittingly drool in the horror picture of the unfortunate kid in church; plagued by both topics of this essay you just read and imagine a whole generation of young addicts who will never have this lethal drug out of their minds.

A capella inspiration

Those relentless, single-minded, purpose-driven evil mosquitoes kept tormenting me all through last night that I was left with no option but to finally agree that I was fully awake, flip open my Advent notebook and stick in my black MTN 3G modem to Google up why famous script writers and movie makers were yet to use mosquitoes as themes in their movies. Come to think of it, those little things suck more human blood than bats and worse still they do so with no sharp canines or pre-molars. What better inspiration for a horror movie? Or is it because Mr Stephen King doesn’t live in the temperate regions of sub Saharan Africa? I soon started dreaming of writing my new novel with my inspirations still singing their impish depressing a cappella. I also tried to find out if bats really sucked blood in the first place or were just poor misunderstood birds. Oops they’re not birds according to an article that came up on the search engine, but were mammals with leather wings and zero feathers. What more misconceptions do we have on these guys? Are they really blood thirsty creatures?

The obsession for horror movies and stories these days has unarguably reached unprecedented heights and attained unmatched crescendo. The dire need and appalling craving by our youth and youngsters for adrenalin, nerve racking, blood curdling creepy movies is worryingly startling for lack of a better euphemism or adjective and of course the need for alliteration. If you’ve got some misgivings or are hesitant towards my credibility, please take a trip at your convenience to the Silverbird Galleria here in Abuja, preferably next Wednesday and see for yourself the teeming youngsters fed up with the ‘scary’ Scooby doo or Danger mouse and who should otherwise be at home preoccupied with their upcoming Junior WAEC. You would also observe youth corps members making optimum use of their first ever visit to the capital territory by ruthlessly spending their meagre alawee on bloodsucking girlfiends (not friends).
Under vigilant scrutiny, you might also notice the number of unemployed graduate impostors clutching on to fake simulated student IDs and cleanly shaved to disguise a youthfulness rapidly approaching its cul-de-sac. The bankers well suited up and looking all formal cannot be missed even if you’ve got TV ravaged eyes and perception like mine; ties slightly unknot, suit in hands, Sahara chin and bald jaws, cheap cologne, phony demeanour, fake Swatches and Rolexes, prettier boys, older girls, free Wednesday popcorn and pineapple juice all rushing to catch a glimpse of the next gory movie. Whether it is the twilight trilogy or the Wolfman, or the Sherlock’s Holmes’ case of the white chapel vampire, the mass hysteria and addiction to these movies is appalling.
I caught up with some pretty elegant ladies, mostly freshmen and sophomores who preferred to refer to their school as Gwags instead of the outmoded old fashioned steroetypical University of Abuja. I asked them what their favourite movie and novel genres were, and even you would be bolted from the blue by the response I got. An overwhelming majority stuck their necks for horror themes than more amorous captions.
Whatever happened to the quixotic starry-eyed romantic mills and boons that used to drive my sisters haywire back in the day? How do the works of Agatha Christie and the mercurial Stephen King continue to steal more female fans in Nigeria today from the ardour of the romantic, erotic and weepy novels of the evergreen 63-year old New York born Danielle Fernande Dominique Schuelein-Steel popularly known as Danielle Steel? Chucky in Child’s play series, Damien in the Omen series, Bram Stoker’s Dracula, Sherlock’s Holmes Case of the white chapel vampire, Lars von Trier’s Antichrist, Ichi the Killer, the Saw series, Case 39, twilight, Hostel, I still remember what you did last summer et cetera have proven to be a mere hors d’oeuvre as we do now have season long petrifying, spine tingling, hair-raising, Vatican banned DVD series in the market and stores nationwide and by this I so do not mean Buffy the vampire Slayer.
The next sane question would be to inquire what informed this recent spike in the craze and crave for themes and captions that portray blood, werewolves, zombies and especially vampires. Why would Nigerians of all people pay for something that would make them cringe?
 I had to put my destitute Access bank visa card to good use in a determined impulsive attempt to solve this Erno Rubik’s cube-like puzzle. I purchased the recent Stephen King’s 1057 worded essay titled, “Why we crave for horror movies” from Amazon for a bargain of just $5.95. (You should get one) and in a thorny bid not to plagiarize, would summarize Mr King’s views on this topic as having three main causes. According to his essay, the renowned author claims that the modern day horror movie is a relief for violence, a fix of adrenalin and fun, and something that can dare the nightmare. I connected with that and his reasons instantly made mighty sense to me.
We all need to step out of life’s mundane boundaries; this need is more pronounced in the youths plagued by a litany of sorrowful mysteries including doleful WAEC, NECO and JAMB results, missing scripts of undergraduates, dreadful NYSC postings, lack of Job opportunities, and the vain craze for an effizy lifestyle. These horror movies according to the virtuoso albeit less illustrious Mr King offers these young ones an escape route from the realities and maladies of this vale of tears. Their emotions are allowed a free rein as now they can dare those aforementioned nightmares.
But still, these reasons do not comprehensively do justice to the decline in romantic movies and books. What does? I observed after more than a few trips to the Galleria that most of those nerve racking movies have an underlying romantic story with an almost similar effect as Danielle’s novels. In other words, these horror movies unleash a double dose effect on adherents of epinephrine as well as erotic gratification. What could compare?
Lest I forget my reason for this essay and find an answer to my real quest as to whether bats really do drink blood; I came across a weird specie of bats local to Stephen King’s place of birth. They are known as Vampire bats and feed on the blood of birds, cattle, horses, and pigs ... and the occasional sleeping human. They need to consume a few tablespoons of blood every day. If the vampire bat doesn't eat for more than a few days it will starve to death.

Irish writer of horror tales Bram Stoker was so fascinated by these bats that drink blood, that he incorporated them in his book 'Dracula.' Obinna Odenigbo, on the other hand is even more fascinated by these little vamps able to simultaneously create ugly pimples on my otherwise charming face whilst singing, that I will incorporate them in my book yet to have a name.