A capella inspiration

Those relentless, single-minded, purpose-driven evil mosquitoes kept tormenting me all through last night that I was left with no option but to finally agree that I was fully awake, flip open my Advent notebook and stick in my black MTN 3G modem to Google up why famous script writers and movie makers were yet to use mosquitoes as themes in their movies. Come to think of it, those little things suck more human blood than bats and worse still they do so with no sharp canines or pre-molars. What better inspiration for a horror movie? Or is it because Mr Stephen King doesn’t live in the temperate regions of sub Saharan Africa? I soon started dreaming of writing my new novel with my inspirations still singing their impish depressing a cappella. I also tried to find out if bats really sucked blood in the first place or were just poor misunderstood birds. Oops they’re not birds according to an article that came up on the search engine, but were mammals with leather wings and zero feathers. What more misconceptions do we have on these guys? Are they really blood thirsty creatures?

The obsession for horror movies and stories these days has unarguably reached unprecedented heights and attained unmatched crescendo. The dire need and appalling craving by our youth and youngsters for adrenalin, nerve racking, blood curdling creepy movies is worryingly startling for lack of a better euphemism or adjective and of course the need for alliteration. If you’ve got some misgivings or are hesitant towards my credibility, please take a trip at your convenience to the Silverbird Galleria here in Abuja, preferably next Wednesday and see for yourself the teeming youngsters fed up with the ‘scary’ Scooby doo or Danger mouse and who should otherwise be at home preoccupied with their upcoming Junior WAEC. You would also observe youth corps members making optimum use of their first ever visit to the capital territory by ruthlessly spending their meagre alawee on bloodsucking girlfiends (not friends).
Under vigilant scrutiny, you might also notice the number of unemployed graduate impostors clutching on to fake simulated student IDs and cleanly shaved to disguise a youthfulness rapidly approaching its cul-de-sac. The bankers well suited up and looking all formal cannot be missed even if you’ve got TV ravaged eyes and perception like mine; ties slightly unknot, suit in hands, Sahara chin and bald jaws, cheap cologne, phony demeanour, fake Swatches and Rolexes, prettier boys, older girls, free Wednesday popcorn and pineapple juice all rushing to catch a glimpse of the next gory movie. Whether it is the twilight trilogy or the Wolfman, or the Sherlock’s Holmes’ case of the white chapel vampire, the mass hysteria and addiction to these movies is appalling.
I caught up with some pretty elegant ladies, mostly freshmen and sophomores who preferred to refer to their school as Gwags instead of the outmoded old fashioned steroetypical University of Abuja. I asked them what their favourite movie and novel genres were, and even you would be bolted from the blue by the response I got. An overwhelming majority stuck their necks for horror themes than more amorous captions.
Whatever happened to the quixotic starry-eyed romantic mills and boons that used to drive my sisters haywire back in the day? How do the works of Agatha Christie and the mercurial Stephen King continue to steal more female fans in Nigeria today from the ardour of the romantic, erotic and weepy novels of the evergreen 63-year old New York born Danielle Fernande Dominique Schuelein-Steel popularly known as Danielle Steel? Chucky in Child’s play series, Damien in the Omen series, Bram Stoker’s Dracula, Sherlock’s Holmes Case of the white chapel vampire, Lars von Trier’s Antichrist, Ichi the Killer, the Saw series, Case 39, twilight, Hostel, I still remember what you did last summer et cetera have proven to be a mere hors d’oeuvre as we do now have season long petrifying, spine tingling, hair-raising, Vatican banned DVD series in the market and stores nationwide and by this I so do not mean Buffy the vampire Slayer.
The next sane question would be to inquire what informed this recent spike in the craze and crave for themes and captions that portray blood, werewolves, zombies and especially vampires. Why would Nigerians of all people pay for something that would make them cringe?
 I had to put my destitute Access bank visa card to good use in a determined impulsive attempt to solve this Erno Rubik’s cube-like puzzle. I purchased the recent Stephen King’s 1057 worded essay titled, “Why we crave for horror movies” from Amazon for a bargain of just $5.95. (You should get one) and in a thorny bid not to plagiarize, would summarize Mr King’s views on this topic as having three main causes. According to his essay, the renowned author claims that the modern day horror movie is a relief for violence, a fix of adrenalin and fun, and something that can dare the nightmare. I connected with that and his reasons instantly made mighty sense to me.
We all need to step out of life’s mundane boundaries; this need is more pronounced in the youths plagued by a litany of sorrowful mysteries including doleful WAEC, NECO and JAMB results, missing scripts of undergraduates, dreadful NYSC postings, lack of Job opportunities, and the vain craze for an effizy lifestyle. These horror movies according to the virtuoso albeit less illustrious Mr King offers these young ones an escape route from the realities and maladies of this vale of tears. Their emotions are allowed a free rein as now they can dare those aforementioned nightmares.
But still, these reasons do not comprehensively do justice to the decline in romantic movies and books. What does? I observed after more than a few trips to the Galleria that most of those nerve racking movies have an underlying romantic story with an almost similar effect as Danielle’s novels. In other words, these horror movies unleash a double dose effect on adherents of epinephrine as well as erotic gratification. What could compare?
Lest I forget my reason for this essay and find an answer to my real quest as to whether bats really do drink blood; I came across a weird specie of bats local to Stephen King’s place of birth. They are known as Vampire bats and feed on the blood of birds, cattle, horses, and pigs ... and the occasional sleeping human. They need to consume a few tablespoons of blood every day. If the vampire bat doesn't eat for more than a few days it will starve to death.

Irish writer of horror tales Bram Stoker was so fascinated by these bats that drink blood, that he incorporated them in his book 'Dracula.' Obinna Odenigbo, on the other hand is even more fascinated by these little vamps able to simultaneously create ugly pimples on my otherwise charming face whilst singing, that I will incorporate them in my book yet to have a name.